Our Journey

Our Beginning

Who would’ve ever thought we’re gonna meet online?!?! We went to the same university, we both took  up BS Accountancy, we have common friends and yet we haven’t met during those times.  Yeah, right… no kidding! I met him in Friendster and it was a “WOW Mali” to begin with.  Two years ago, I got a message from a Friendster user ” iled”.  He introduced himself as Rodel.  He doesn’t have any picture in his profile.  I just assumed he was a former classmate from PUP.  Oh! by the way, he also mentioned the university…one of the reasons why I thought he’s the Rodel that I knew way back in college, only to find out he was somebody else.  And to top it all, I already gave him my contact number and YM! We even started chatting before I found out that I was talking to someone I didn’t know.  Then he began calling and texting me (he’s in Singapore, by the way).  He told me he knew me then, that he’s got a crush on me when we were in college…blah…blah…blah! It’s flattering but I opt not to believe in all these things that he’s been telling me.  After almost a year of constant communication, almost everyday of exchanging serious, funny, some non-sense and even out of this world conversations, still there were no pictures (gosh, ano kayang itsura nya?!? lol), finally came October 5, 2008 — marked the beginning of  “my journey” with him.

The Betrayal

Again, who would’ve ever thought that the “Big B” would hit me big time just 3 days after our 1st monthsary? Seems like hard to believe, right?!?! Yeah, sure…I almost could not believe it as well.  But it happened, it did…It’s true that only the one whom you love the most has the capability of hurting you the most.  After 8 long years of not letting myself fall for someone because I was too scared of getting hurt, I finally took the chance of falling inlove again.  But it seems like no matter how hard I tried, there’s no way that I could protect myself from being deeply hurt.  I can’t help but ask myself, “what have I done to deserve this?”  It’s so  unfair…I just can’t put into words how hard and painful it was.  There were probably no words that could ever explain how I feel that time.  But what’s done is done…we can never turn back time for the “what we should have done or shouldn’t have done”.  I’ve only got two options…

An Ending that Leads to a New Beginning

December 11, 2008 (Changi International Airport, Singapore) – Our first meeting.  Yes, you read it right!  It’s not a typo.  We’ve waited for this very moment to arrive, we were so eager and excited to finally see each other.  It took us 4 months to finalize our Singapore-Malaysia tour.  It would be our first planned trip together.  But it turned out to be the first meeting that two people who love each other would never want to be like.  I deserve to hear an explanation for what he has done and he has a lot of explaining to do.  He did it pretty well, I guess…but my brain couldn’t just accept his reasoning. I didn’t hate him (though that’s what I am supposed to feel towards him).  But still, our planned trip did not push through.  I left for Malaysia without him and stayed there for 3 days, then back to Singapore.  We met again, we met up with some friends, we went shopping and we talked the whole night at the hotel’s lobby.  It could have been fun and exciting being with him and spending time with him had it not because of what happened.  But life has to go on…so, the morning before my flight back to Manila I finally said “thank you…and goodbye…”

Love Does Not Keep Records of Wrong

It’s time to move on.  I just have to be thankful for those times that he made me feel special and loved for those times that he made me smile, for giving me the courage to love again.  But he’s been so persistent,  he keeps on explaining things over and over again, asking for another chance.  Sigh…call me a martyr, I won’t complain.  But I am not a hypocrite.  I can lie to anyone, but not to myself…not to God.  I still love him.  I never thought I would love him this much, but I do. Yes, it’s easier to forgive than to forget.  I gave him another chance, but it’s really a struggle forgetting what happened.  No one would ever want to be in my place…no one would ever dare.  It’s hard to bring back the trust that was lost.  Distance made it harder for me…for us.  But if things seem to go beyond your control, you just have to let go.  You just have to let God run the race for you.  Nothing’s ever powerful than a prayer coming from the heart.

Meet the Parents

I didn’t know he’s coming!  Monday – Three days after my birthday, he woke me up with a phone call  early in the morning telling me not to open my windows messenger.  Out of curiosity, I asked him why?  Well, he told me that the technician will be there and he might get caught.  Then, his brother sent me an SMS which goes like “ate dumating na po padala ni Rodel, pwede po ba tayo magkita bukas?” The following day, I received another text message from his brother asking me if we could meet up the next day instead, because he’s still in the office.  I’m beginning to doubt that it’s not his brother who’s texting me.  And so, come Wednesday I received another text messages.  Finally, we met at Mall of Asia.  Wanna know why he didn’t tell me it was him?!?!  Because that time, we were not OK!  And if he did tell me  it was him, I won’t meet up with him. toink!!! We had dinner in President’s Tea House (seaside) MOA, then Starbucks Market Market on our way to my place.  Since it’s already late, he slept over to our place (thanks to my sister’s offer! hahaha!) He occupied the other room, my sister (from Dubai who’s also having  a vacation) and I in my room.  June 11, 2009 – it’s my sister’s birthday and since she’s gonna celebrate it with her friends Rodel & I went out to see a movie.  We watched Terminator (The Salvation), I almost fell asleep in the movie house (Sta. Lucia).  Again, it was already late so I stayed in their place.  I met his parents and his younger brother.  I was a bit uneasy…but I managed to be calm! whew!!!  Question and answer portion? Of course there was! Hehehe…I should know, my father’s like that too.  The next day I met his ate, older brother and rest of the family.  They were all nice to me, I should say.  They made me feel like I’m part of the family.  June 19, 2009 – now, it’s his turn to meet my parents.  He cooked for me (by request), lunch! No, we’re not Chinese hahaha!  My parents love him! (anong ginawa nya?!?!) Spending a week with him was the best birthday gift. c”,)

Oh, I should’ve written “Meet the Parents” (and the rest of the family) toink! wehehehe…

I’m Sorry, I didn’t Know…

Whew! This happened few days before our 1st Anniversary.  Ironic, isn’t it?!?!  I won’t go into details but  I guess what’s written below says it all.

Just the mere thought that he’s still trapped in the past, struggling to move on, to let go, to forget and to forgive hurts me more than I ever thought. I didn’t know it was her…because if I did, I would have think twice before communicating with her or at least ask him if it’s OK. It just happened by chance…probably because it has to happen. And I’m sure, it happened for a reason…

“Hatred and insecurities infect the mind but love dissolves them. Hope that my love for you is strong enough to dissolve them…or at least lessen the burden that they are causing you…even if it means getting hurt twice as much as you do…”

I want him to be happy and find his real purpose in life. No matter how tough life could be, I will always be around and he’ll always be in my prayers.

Letting God & Letting the Years Count

Happy 1st Anniversary!!! What else can I say?  Despite all the things that happened, we’ve come this far. Thank you for loving me and for not letting go of me when I feel like giving up on us.  Always letting God be at the center of our relationship will surely give us a very strong foundation of love, trust, respect.  Let’s just continue to pray for each other no matter what happens. And may the Lord keep watch between you and me when we are away from each other.  We still have a long way to go.  Our journey has just started and the rest is yet to be written…