Celeste Luna "My Journey"

When I was still in the Philippines and working at ACS, I enrolled at Fitness first.  At first, I was so eager.  I even joined the dance and yoga sessions almost everyday.  I even wanted to buy my own yoga blanket then.  But it’s really funny that the eagerness that I had before has gone and I just go to the gym for sauna and shower.  Oh boy, I’m paying thousands of pesos every month just for sauna and shower! That was ridiculous, don’t you think so?!?! Hahaha…those were the days.

Yes, I took a one day leave today initially for nothing.  I just don’t feel like going to the office.  But surprisingly, this day has turned out to be a productive day for me.  I was able to update my resume and made some online job applications.  I cooked sweet potatoes for my (late) breakfast and had lunch much later.  Performed house general cleaning starting from my room to living and dining room down to the toilet and bath.  Laundry in process while writing this blog and later I will finish the 5 assignments that I just received.

Thank you Lord for allowing this day to be a productive one.  I may be asking a lot of questions right now (still lots of them running into my mind).  Not all of them have an answer but I know you see the whole picture of everything.  Grant me the grace of wisdom to understand your plans for me.

For the longest time, I haven’t written anything. Well, apart from my usual Weekly Financial and Other Reports for the Shop (more like critiques), e-mails for the Key Departments that I work with, e-mails to the bosses, comments in Facebook and chat messages, I haven’t really done some “good” writing in the past…, uh! I don’t even remember the last time…

I have been meaning to “write” [everyday]. It’s not that I don’t have the time or a topic to write about. I’m telling you, I’ve got loads! Maybe it’s just because I couldn’t seem to make my Fingers, my Mind and my Heart work as one and put together all the gibberish thoughts and feelings into coherent and universally-accepted abstracts which are Words.

So now, since I’ve got lots of time and loads to tell, I’m being faced with a challenge, that is, which among the topics I will delve into and when on that lots of time I will push the button that says “Go.”

Ok. If I will consider talking about [my] life, it’s going to be a long and tedious topic. Politics will be very timely but I think I’d rather not—after all, I didn’t plan for this to be a critique of some sort. What’s there left? My job, perhaps? Well not everyone can relate, that’s for sure and I can assure you, this isn’t a job that can make me appear on the front cover of an entertainment, lifestyle or any business magazine (especially not on a men’s mag!) so…

But what do I care about what people will think of my writing and the topic I choose? Do you think I care that much if you, yes, you, will say that I’m writing bullsh*t? (Honestly? I do! =P) Anyway, I know that you will bear with me on this. Heck! Only my “friends” are allowed to read this so if you don’t consider yourself one and you think you can’t waste your precious time on my non-sense, then don’t! May I just inform you that you have spent 01:19.8 read: 1 minute and 19.8 seconds (depending on the pacing) reading this non-sense?

So much for an introduction. (Pushes the “Go” button.)

Moving on, rather, going back to February of this year, I made it a point to write down one realization every day. Why February? Go figure. I wasn’t ever good in keeping diaries or journals. I always forget to find some time every single day to write down my life’s whole-day event. Now, I take pride in ‘presenting’ you that, at least for the whole month of February, I was able to write down one random realization about random things on every painstaking day of these 28 days.

And now here goes the Random:

1 February – I realized that not only Filipinos do conversions. Europeans do convert Euros (bigtime!) especially the old folks!

2 February – I realized that I am each of every Little Women character. (But I am yet to realize the dominant and recessive genes that run through my veins! Calling Bio Majors!)

3 February – I realized that people have a natural tendency of putting up a different face when they meet others for the first time. I was trying to assess myself here, and then, I completely disagreed with that first-impression-lasts crap! (Si Klara? Hay naku! Napakataray kaya nun! Feeling maganda! [After some time] Si Klara? Naku, mabait yun at napaka-sweet! Ganun lang talaga yun, akala mo lang intimidating, although nakaka-intimidate naman talaga, pero naku, baliw yun at sobrang kulit!)

4 February – I realized that ‘In Black and White’ is very important. The grey area is only for people like me, who always try to find a (deeper) meaning out of a simple and plain matter. For business people, they always (almost) take everything at Face Value.

5 February – I realized that everything is interconnected. You can only imagine how hard it is to get one box of toothpaste to sell in the Shop, that it will take two weeks to be approved and another two weeks to be delivered. (Claire-Purchasing-Director-Financial Controller-General Manager-General Manager-Purchasing-Supplier-Purchasing/Receiving-Claire-Accounting…) Say that again: One box of toothpaste.

6 February – I realized that it is hard to let go of the past when you are at the losing end and the other has moved on. (To be continued…)

7 February – I realized that when people are used to something, changes won’t go unnoticed. (Cont’d… I cried for the whole night and went to work with eyes all puffy and swollen and I just couldn’t get myself to smile. I felt like I was in an inquisition that everyone was asking me “What happened?” for the whole day. Smiling has always been equated to Klara, you know.)

8 February – I realized that mosquitoes and flies in Dubai are stupid, among others. (I swear, you can easily catch a fly with your bare hands here! Ha! No wonder, Filipinos are smart. I mean, Philippine flies. =D)

9 February – I realized that I lost so much… and I am yet to get back what I have lost. (Ok. Leave it at that.)

10 February – I realized that I am Claire (CLAIRE) and no one has the right to hurt or harm me in any way and anyone will be lucky, if not luckiest, to have me in their/his lives/life. (So I woke up and pulled myself together! Bring it on, you B*tch!)

11 February – I realized that I am way too generous and loving to people even when they don’t deserve it. (But hey, I love loving!)

12 February – I realized that I am not in love (today). So it goes without saying that I am not myself today.

13 February – I realized that Love is a dangerous path of forth and back; a cruel cycle of ups and downs.

14 February – I realized that today is Singles Awareness Day aka Valentine’s Day. So what? (I received flowers, all right?)

15 February – I realized that there exists a (social) class when it comes to everything, even in Love. We are at different levels and it follows that we belong with our own level. If anyone will break away from this norm, it will be like committing suicide, which I just did.

16 February – I realized that I am still immature and that I am not totally over my tantrums and walk-out dramas until now. (I know you all love me, even so…)

17 February – I realized that for<give>ness is easy to <give> and forgetting is a whole different story.

18 February – I realized that one doesn’t have to be in love with anyone to feel good. I love myself. I feel good. *selfish mode on*

19 February – I realized that it is hard to tackle monotony. It can kill. I am dying.

20 February – I realized (again) that there is no absolute truth. Everything is conditional; circumstantial and everyone has his/her own perspective. (So why seek for the Truth when you know you wouldn’t get it or you will just interpret it as how you want it?)

21 February – I realized that sometimes, strangers know you more, than the people you are with for years. Guest to Claire: How many boyfriends do you have? Ms. Laila to Guest: Oh! She’s too sweet to have more than one! The guy is just so lucky, don’t you think? (Period.)

22 February – I realized that we always have to give credit to whom it is due. (And then I thanked everyone who did something for me today.)

23 February – I realized that it’s never easy to keep track of plans and stick with them especially when you made them yourself! (When will I ever learn?)

24 February – I realized that “Heaven only knows if Love is right or wrong”- Leeann Rimes, On the Side of Angels.

25 February – I realized that I was never afraid of heights. I was afraid of falling.

26 February – I realized that kindness and generosity can be equated to naïveté and stupidity. Out of the goodness of my heart, I gave a 100-Aed note to help a total stranger only to grasp after some time that I was scammed! Bless his soul (if he has).

27 February – I realized that Thesis + Anti-Thesis = Synthesis. (Philo Maj, tama ba equation ko?) Oh well, or something like that!

28 February – I realized that today is the end of the month because I will be doing the month-end inventory for the Shop tonight.

“Time flies” isn’t just a cliché, it is an [un]observable ‘fact’. This month, at least, I did not let Time fly without distorting its momentum, so I can grab some meanings out of the supposed usual and almost inexistent things which are altogether, after having realized, exceptional and not-always-how-they-seem matters that surround my existence. Black and White? I’m not really a fan.

I know you’re tired of reading. I doubt it if you even came close to this sentence. But anyway, I am tired of writing. Now, I have got to do what I’m being paid for to do here – Work.

Saturday is almost over and tomorrow will be another day.  I had a wonderful time meeting up with my friend Lem yesterday.  We had conversations like we used to when we are in the same university.  It’s been like a decade since the last time that we saw each other.  He went to Qatar to work and now he’s trying his luck here in Singapore.  We met up yesterday because he has to go back to the Philippines and spend Christmas and New Year there as his daughter’s been requesting for it for almost 5 years now.  Another reason is because it was his birthday last December 12 (though they are not celebrating birthdays hehehe…)  Happy to see him again and I hope he really find a good job here and would have quality time with his family.

Oh, well…what can I say about technology? It must be some sort of necessity nowadays.  Have you heard of auto estimating software yet?  It didn’t cross my mind that even auto works estimation can be automated! I am not surprised about ocean solutions, shipping, logistics and stuff like these are being automated because that’s the industry where I am currently working.  But this auto software thing, it’s kindda new to me.  But it’s interesting huh!